25 Things I’ve learned in 25 years of marriage 

Recently my husband Steve and I celebrated our Silver Wedding Anniversary. We tied the knot in the year 2000 after meeting four years earlier, so in fact, we celebrate 30 years together next year.  

It’s a time for reflection as both of us had been ‘round the houses’ with partners, and Steve had been married twice before. So, what made our relationship work when we’d both had previously relationships which did not?  

Do we have the answers? Of course, not but here are some things which have helped us to stay together and continue to want to be together, even though we’ve had some difficult relationships previously.  

1. We are best friends. We’re not just a couple – we enjoy being together and doing things together.  

2. When we decided to ‘go for it’ and be serious, to ensure we were aligned in our thinking, we set out clear expectations – our ‘red lines’ of what we did and didn’t want in a relationship.  

3. Our main ‘do nots’ were unfaithfulness and any kind of violence. Steve also never wanted to get married again! Unbeknown to me he changed his mind and proposed in 1998. 

4. Our ‘dos’ when we met and decided to see if we could last the course were, to empower each other and not deny each other opportunities plus, I also wanted children, if nature allowed.  

5. We enjoy similar things such as visiting new places, watching films, and tv. 

6. We also enjoy different interests, and we’re able to do these things apart from each other. Steve likes sport and I like reading.  

7. We celebrate little wins as well as big wins. That might be a lovely moment in a day, week or month or a family member achieving success in something. 

8. We are critical friends to each other – we don’t just say what the other wants to hear. 

9. We try to be supportive and together in difficult moments.  

10. We try to present a united front to external people. 

11. We were joyful when we had our children and we’re proud of all of them. We want them all to be individuals in their own right and find happiness in a way that works for them.  

12. We share similar ethics in how we bring up our children.  

13. We have not based our lives just around our children.  

14. We have never avoided saying ‘no’ when we don’t want to do things.  

15. We both always embrace and celebrate birthdays and Christmas with great enthusiasm.  

16. We pick our battles when we disagree – sometimes we argue, sometimes we choose not to. For example, we have quite different political views.  

17. We say ‘sorry’, although it may take us a while, but we do acknowledge when we are out of line. 

18. We laugh with each other and at each other – laughter goes a long way.  

19. We often think the same thing at the same time, and we can finish each other’s sentences – and then laugh about it.  

20. We try to always respect each other. 

21. We defend each other to outside parties and in return, demand respect from outside parties. If there’s no respect, we never engage with that person or company again. 

22. We accept our differences – Steve is a meticulous planner, I’m more spontaneous and don’t enjoy planning everything.  

23. We’re proud of each other.  

24. We compromise. If there are things one of us enjoys but the other doesn’t, we try to compromise so we both get seen and heard.  

25. We support each other without judgment. In really hard times, just a cuddle or a kind word is all that can help whereas judgment does not help in those moments, and we recognise that.  

 

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